


Too Far

by DancingLilies



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: S04e04 Aithusa, Episode: s04e08 Lamia, Episode: s05e02 Arthur's Bane, Episode: s05e09 With All My Heart, Friendship, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 07:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12360279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingLilies/pseuds/DancingLilies
Summary: In which Merlin is left behind and forgotten about too many times. (Also known as the time when I got so tired of the show's attempt at humor in the later episodes)





	Too Far

He tried hard not to let the knights see what he thought of their trick. Thankfully, (or maybe not) (maybe he wanted them to notice) they were all oblivious to the point of it being humorous. Maybe most of them had started out as commoners, (dirt, he should say) (scum) but it appeared as if they had all forgotten what it felt like to go days without food, to watch as your body slowly disintegrated.  
  
But then they had pulled out a bowl of stew they had saved for him, and he didn’t know what to think.  
  
He probably should have told them what he thought about it. How he had sometimes gone so long without food in Ealdor that being deprived of it was not even _close_ to funny.  
  
He didn’t end up telling them.   
  
-  
  
_His name is Merlin_.  
  
He hadn’t been able to contain his smile at hearing Elyan say those four words. The words that spoke of their trust in him, their faith. Maybe he wasn’t a true healer, maybe he wasn’t even close to the skill that Gaius held, but the knights believed he would be able to help the villagers. That was all he needed.  
  
-  
  
And then everything had changed.  
  
_You’re nothing but a sevant_.  
  
_You have no say in these matters_.  
  
_Keep your mouth shut, or I’ll shut it for you_.  
  
-  
  
He had been relieved to find out they had been enchanted. (but had Lamia made them say those things?) (those awful, awful things?) (or had they always been thinking that?) But he wasn’t sure if he was happy or not that they had forgotten.  
  
_You alright, Merlin?_ Percival sat down beside him and he barely hid his flinch.  
  
_Yeah. I’m fine._ He pretended not to see Gwen’s glare when he didn’t mention what was on his mind. (why should he?) (if they couldn’t remember, maybe it was best forgetting)  
  
-  
  
_Arthur?_ He whispered. _Arthur? Gwaine? Percival?_ Scuffling from behind him stopped his attempts at trying to find the knights.  
  
_Lie still, Emrys_. And a creature with glowing blue skin appeared in his vision. (and for some reason, he knew he was safe)  
  
_Where are the knights? Are they safe? Arthur, where is_ -  
  
The creature silenced his questions with a small wave of her hand. _They’re safe. They’re in Camelot. Now lie still. Your wounds have not finished healing_.  
  
But he couldn’t relax. (he wouldn’t relax) _And Mordred?_ He demanded. _He isn’t in Camelot. He_ can’t _be_.  
  
_All the knights are in Camelot, including one who is about to be knighted._ The creature muttered a few more words, and he was suddenly able to feel his hand again.  
  
Sitting up, he asked one more thing of the creature.  
  
_I’m sorry, Emrys. But the Druid boy is not Arthur’s bane. Arthur is his own bane_.  
  
He nodded, and sat up. _Thank you for healing me. I should get back to Camelot, now, before I’m missed_. And if he saw the pitying look the creature gave him, he gave no notice of it.  
  
-  
  
_Where have you been?_ The voice startled him, and he almost dropped the tray he was carrying.  
  
_Pardon?_ He set the tray down and busied himself with tidying the floor of the room. _I haven’t been anywhere_.  
  
_Clearly you’ve been_ somewhere. _We got back to Camelot three days ago_.  
  
_I only got back last night!_ But one glance at Arthur’s face told him that he didn’t believe him.  
  
_Yeah, right. Merlin, we wouldn’t have left without you. Have you been in the tavern this whole time? Really, Merlin, I’m starting to believe you’re worse than Gwaine_.  
  
He shook his head and forced a grin. (why did he even try anymore?)  
  
-  
  
_I had thought everything had gone unusually smoothly_.  
  
He didn't let himself think about what Arthur had implied. He couldn't do anything about it right now, and besides, why would The Dolma care about Arthur's (meddlesome) (useless) (irritating) manservant. No. He wouldn't let himself think of what Arthur had said.  
  
(but how could Arthur have forgotten?) (maybe last time it could be excused) (Arthur had been injured, and the king must always take priority)  
  
(maybe he was just so happy that Gwen was back) (that had to be it)  
  
-  
  
_You see, Merlin, we do have something in common, after all. The future of Camelot_.  
  
He didn't reply. How could he, when he wasn't even sure what he was fighting for anymore? Of course, he was fighting for Albion, and the Once and Future King. (but how could he fight for Arthur, and Gwaine, and Leon, and Percival?) (how could he honorably defend them when they only thought of him as a servant?)  
  
So yes, maybe he and Mordred were both fighting for the future of Camelot, but Merlin wasn't sure if he was fighting for Arthur anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue in show taken from the transcripts found on Merlin Wiki
> 
> I do not own Merlin
> 
> For more works such as this, check out my account over on FanFiction.Net (penname ruby lips above the water)


End file.
